ID TO PA

The (Great) Speaker Debate

It's funny how things truly change when our lives have been thrown into the air, shaken up a wee bit, and emptied out like a bag of popcorn.

Take the speakers in the family room, for instance.

When we lived here before the speakers sat on the white built-in shelves.  When we moved back last year I kinda forgot about the speakers (and if I'm totally honest, I don't miss them.  Oh, I know, I know, surround sound, blah blah blah) and so I decorated the shelves without them.  When Larry came back last month he immediately wanted to find those speakers and put them up.

At first I went with the story, "the speakers were never unpacked so they are somewhere buried in the shed".  That seemed to keep him at bay since the temperatures were nearing triple digits and a day in the shed looking for speakers lost their appeal.  Whew...

However, he kept at the desire to find and hook them up.  I told him I really, really don't want them up on the shelves.  Here is the key to (our) marriage: does he want the speakers more than I don't want them?  The answer: I didn't want them more.  This system is how we solve many issues in our marriage.  Anyhoo, I am not being a total stubborn bitch here...I suggested he pick up smaller speakers that can be attached to the wall where the outlets are and would blend into the paint...win-win, yes?

Last weekend he decided to organize (and alphabetize. Please let the record state that I am not the only crazy fuck in this family!) our DVDs and what did he stumble upon?   

Him: "I decided to organize the DVDs."
Me:  "Oh yeah? Cool." (Shit.)
Him:  "Yeah, you know what I found in there?"
Me:  "Yes I do and I still don't want those big, ugly speakers on the shelves!"

 The black speakers were just too big and dark for these white shelves.  I have always disliked those speakers.

 The other side...

 Not sure if you can see where the outlets are for the speakers but they are about level with the middle shelf in between the built-in and the window you see in this shot.

The Office Debate

Before we left Idaho for the east coast both our desks were in this one office.  To be honest, I didn't like the way it looked because we had too many different styles in here.  Larry's desk was a dark wood with black legs, I had a utility type table, we had bookcases that were yet another "color" of (fake) wood, the printer table was another "color", and we had a light pine amoire.  Miss-matched to say the least.

As we were moving back we began discussing where the furniture would go now (we got rid of many pieces and so the house is somewhat different since the last time we lived here) and one of the biggest discussions was the office space.  Because Larry, at the time, wasn't going to be staying, he obviously kept his computer stuff in Pennsylvania.  I thought it would be great to put our large pine three-piece unit (that once upon a time was our main unit in our family room in Oceanside and while here before was in the living room) that I could fill with scrapbook supplies, embroidery supplies, and writing files.  I also utilized a (matching) pine dresser that I could also fill the drawers with creative supplies (I like the out of sight look, personally, because it is less overwhelming to the eye).  Our "old" nook table now doubles as part of my desk (I still have the somewhat ugly grey thing, however, which I hope to change out at some point).  In another words, the room works now.  It flows and helps me to be creative and gives me a space that is ultimately all mine.

At the time we were moving ourselves back into our home we decided that the loft would be a good place for his office...when he returns...and we put a smaller desk up there along with the bookshelves (it was the kids "play space" when we were here before but the kids really never went in there and it became a cluttered space full of random toys, old VHS tapes, an even older television, and leftover furniture pieces.  This time around I decided to make it more into a "library" space so our bookcases and all our books are up there along with a recliner...that was also in my office before...and the desk).

Fast forward a year later and the Main Man is moving back home.  He states, "we need to make room in the office for my desk and computer."

Um, yeah, no.

Him: "Where is my desk going to go??"
Me:  "Where we said it was going to go a year ago, in the loft."
Him:  "That idea sounded good at the time because I wasn't coming home any time soon.  But now I really want to be back in the office.  We can make space somehow...move a few things around..."
Me:  "Um, yeah, no.  I don't wanna move anything around.  There isn't room in here for you.  Sorry."
Him:  "Maybe under the window..."
Me:  "Um, yeah, no.  There just isn't room.  If you don't like the loft idea there is space at the desk in the laundry room."
Him:  "Hmmm, well, I guess I'll have to see which is better."

He spent an entire day going back and forth.  He liked the laundry room idea simply because he would be on the main floor and have desk drawer space.  However, he felt cramped, potentially hot with the dryer going, and in the midst of the coming and going through the garage door that would cause distractions.  The loft, while warm up there in the middle of summer with windows that don't open and have the hot afternoon sun beating down, was also more open for him.

In the end, he decided on the loft.  At least that (dead) space is being used now.  I like that.  And, he seems to be okay up there.  Honestly, (and selfishly) I like having my own space to come to without the distractions of his computer and stuff in here too. 

 The laundry room desk area.  Unfortunately, it is somewhat a dead space because I'm not sure how to utilize it.  Right now it has drawers full of warranties, business cards, phone numbers, school supplies, and grocery bags.
 My office as it looks today...
 
 See, no room for him.
 The loft.  That desk was put in there specifically for him to use when he returned.
 The loft is kinda out of the way.  Granted, it is open to the stairwell to the left and the living room over the wall to the right...but, it has its own "hallway" so no one is going to be traveling through his space unless they intend to be in the loft.
 Larry hooking his stuff up...
 The loft wins.

Spoiled

When we moved into this house in the winter of 2004 we were told that the three lots to our left would most likely be sold and built on within eighteen months.  Six years went by and there was absolutely no activity on those lots other than kids riding loud motor bikes, building dirt ramps for their bicycles, and a host of other stuff by bratty neighborhood kids.

That all changed this spring when signs appeared on the three lots and before long the one in the middle was marked "sold".

Crap.  We were going to get new neighbors.

And my view was going to be gone.  Now, to be fair, it wasn't really a view but more an open space/sky "view" that provided us privacy and a clearer shot of the sunset.

At first I was annoyed.  I realize that annoyance was misdirected, but I was annoyed that someone was building on the lot next to me (how dare they!).  I was annoyed that we would have neighbors on that side with noisy kids (our neighbors to the right of us are about as ideal as they get!).  I was annoyed that a certain level of privacy, while I still have plenty, would be lost.  (I did feel better when I realized the windows facing our house are limited to very high...and very small...family room windows, master bedroom windows, and a sliding glass door.  Luckily, our house has almost no windows that face the west except for a window in our master "foyer" and our back door.  However, it definitely affects our "outdoor living".)

Then, I was jealous.  Ah, a new house again.  The thrill of watching your house being built.  All the newness of floors, cabinets, and carpets.  The empty canvas of landscaping possibilities.  The excitement of moving stuff into a brand new house.  Suddenly my floors seemed more scratched, my cabinets in desperate need of cleaning, and my entire house in need of a fresh paint job (thanks in part to our renters...thanks guys).  Sigh.

I got over the jealousy part and I have also got accustomed to the ugly brown house being there now too.  What I did realize is that we need to plant some new trees in that corner that we have put off for too long and probably shouldn't have (oh well).  Our plan over the next year would be to plant a total of six new trees...all along the one fence line...with three of them in direct relation to the new house...not only to cover up some of their house and windows, but to provide us with more privacy in our own yard.

 The "view" before...again, not so much of a view as it is an open feeling of unlimited privacy.  There is one plus side to this house being built: it will limit almost entirely the wild neighbor boys who cause havoc on these dirt lots!!!
 The "view" from our back door.
 The "view" from our patio...
 Goodbye empty lots...
 This is the shot of our new neighbors from the only other window that faces that side...our master bedroom "foyer".

 And up, up it goes.  Dammit.

 There it is.  The "view" we have now.  Boo.

 It'll never be quite the same, but we'll survive.

 The just-about-completed house as it looks from our patio/back door now.  At least they have some trees that provide some privacy for both of us.
 (I still prefer an empty lot...)

Live And Learn

Something Larry and I do often is discuss all kinds of past stuff.  Not in a hostile, depressing way nor in a finger pointing way, but more in a live and learn kind of way.

The only thing I can take away from the past three years are lessons of errors that hopefully we never make again.  It has been a very long three years and with the glorious benefit of hindsight we can both see so damn clearly!

We sat at the table for a long time after breakfast on Sunday just talking about our stint in Pennsylvania and ALL the decisions we made that lead us down that path.  Some people may argue that we need to just "move on" but honestly, this is OUR way of doing exactly that.  We both find it therapeutic to sit back, reflect, and rehash what we should have done or what was really a bad decision or "WHAT IN THE HELL WERE WE THINKING??!"

I hope that this knowledge from the errors we made will come in handy at some point down the road.  Maybe our children will be in a similar situation and we can at least share what we should have done or what we wouldn't have done or how to step back from a situation and THINK from ALL angles (angles that were not all that clear at the time!)

There were many missteps on both our parts.  Unfortunately, those missteps came at a very high price, literally and figuratively, and it will probably take us twice as long to rebound completely.  What we lost financially over the past three years was a HUGE setback.  However, we made the decisions, we paid the price, and now we look forward and rebuild, albeit slowly, together...and in the meantime we ENJOY OUR LIFE and savor the simple things and work hard and take pride in our home and thank God.

It's crazy to admit that I enjoy sitting across the table from my husband and rehashing and discussing the horrors of the past three years (the good stuff too).  I like being able to get it out.  I like that this is something that only the two of us really understand and grasp.  I like that I can talk about a place on some road back east and he knows what I'm talking about.

At the end of the day, what done is done, and as I had thought long ago...we would look back on our time in Pennsylvania and chuckle, and cry, and shake our heads, and wonder why, and wish we could turn back the clock and shake our younger selves (maybe slap).  I'm happy for today...things may not be picture perfect...but who has a picture perfect life anyway? We are together, he is working a few miles from home, we are all healthy and intact.  Do I dare say we are blessed?

 

Three Years Ago

Three years ago today my husband was laid off from his job at KrunchKracker.  He started his new job here in town last week...almost three years exactly to the day.

There has been so much change from three years ago to today and yet here we all are, back under the same roof we built seven years ago, seemingly unscathed.  (Cough.) Excuse me, I think I just choked on my coffee.

Three years ago today my husband walked out of the KrunchKracker building with a box in his hands and drove home.  That night we went out to see Mamma Mia and I spent half the movie crying (and not over Colin Firth's sexual preferences).  I was scared, unsure, and frustrated.  While it didn't take him long to find work, that work was all the way on the east coast and the wheels had begun and set in motion that would take three years to park back here in our little corner of Idaho.

Sigh.

Believe me, I don't dwell on his stint at KrunchKracker or wonder why or shake my fists in the air at imaginary meanies who made my world an ugly and dark place for entirely too long.  Instead, I sit here and marvel that three years have gone by in a blink of an eye and we have traveled the United States four times between the two of us.

And now we move forward.  We move on.  We put KrunchKracker behind us and shut the door and enjoy the cool breeze coming from that open window...

 

Plan Q

Larry and I are big on goals.  Short term goals, long term goals, big goals, small goals, family goals, career goals.

When we decided to move back to Idaho back in May 2010 our first goal was for us all to come home together...and stay (which meant Larry securing a job by late July).  Well, that didn't happen.  Our next goal was by early fall.  A couple of months in Pennsylvania and then home he will come.  Yeah, that didn't happen either and so our next goal was by year end and we all know how sure I felt that THAT goal was going to come to fruition.

So, the next goal we decided upon in January was summer.  Or, more specifically the BEGINNING of summer.  Somewhere around the end of April we moved that goal towards the END of summer.

Sigh.

Of course, we had been telling the kids that dad would be home by summer and as we got closer and closer to summer I began to get nervous over how excited the kids were getting...especially when the job-front didn't seem to be any different than the year prior.  I had put a widget on my phone counting down the days until August 1st and Harrison spotted that on my phone awhile ago and said, "Dad is coming home in 65 days?!?"  (For the record, that widget for Larry to come home is still on my phone and currently says "20 days".)  I just redirected his attention without answering the question (mom of the year, right here folks!)

I'm still sort of shocked that our Plan Q has finally (finally!!) happened.  Many months after I thought it would happen but still a good 20 days before I had to reevaluate yet another short term goal.

LARRY RETURNS

This crazy man left Saturday morning in northeast Pennsylvania and arrived home late Sunday evening and still managed to be up and functioning the next day (4th of July) to BBQ.  He wanted to just be home and because he was by himself he felt he could push himself and do it.

The minute he pulled into the driveway I was sitting on the couch reading and was startled when I heard the kids all barrelling down the stairs! "HE'S HOME!" "DAD'S HERE!!!"

How glorious.  Really.

And for now, we simply enjoy the fact that we are all under one roof, together as a family, at last.

 

Waiting...

My stomach is in knots, I can't concentrate enough to read (especially since I just started a new book), there is nothing on television, and the house is spotless and clean and there isn't anything else to dust or tidy.  Tick tock.  And I am restless.

Larry should be pulling in any minute.  Or, at least within the next 90 minutes.

I'm not sure the whole story behind this rambo-themed drive of his.  The initial plan was Iowa, Wyoming, and home.  Three solid days.  He left Pennsylvania yesterday morning.  I'm not even sure he stayed in a hotel.  I think he slept for a few hours and powered through another long day of driving.  Yesterday he arrived at his Iowa destination around 5pm and felt there were still hours and hours of daylight left and he wasn't tired...so he kept going until 11pm...and landed in Nebraska!  I was worried sick.  This morning I got a text at 2:30 my time saying that he was well on his way heading towards Wyoming before noon.

We ate dinner early, cleaned the house, did a few loads of laundry, ran to the store for some last minute stuff for tomorrow, I made risotto for dinner, took the kids to the pool...and the day just seems to be going so slowly.  We are all excited and anxious.

It's hard to believe that it is all actually happening.  So relieved.  So happy.  So calm...well, I WILL be so calm once he finally gets here. Worrying about him on the road is giving me an ulcer.

Closing Another Chapter

Yesterday was Larry's last day at UPS.  He called me after his boss let him go a bit earlier in the day because he knew he had a lot to do before leaving this morning, heading west.

There is no question that I am over the moon (as are the children.  They have been wound up and spinning for days now!) and I can hardly wait for him to get home safely.  However, there is a bit of sadness for me when a chapter closes, despite the challenges and despite the overall good that is coming from him being HOME AGAIN.

UPS was a really great company and he worked with people he liked and the benefits and perks that went with that job were amazing.  Not to mention he was doing a job that he was excited about and that provided good challenges.  In another words: he loved his job.

 
My stomach is in knots.  Not from all this being bad but because it is more change and while the change is beyond good and truly the best, I am nervous about him driving all this way alone, I'm nervous about this new job and hope that it is as rewarding and challenging as the one at UPS.

His co-workers and bosses gave him a going away party on Wednesday with food and a cake and a really nice card wishing him well.  I think they even gave him a t-shirt with a Pennsylvania sports team logo so he will always remember them in the northeast.  They are all sad to see him go but understand his desire to get back to his family here in Idaho. 

After he left work for the last time in Pennsylvania Friday afternoon he set out to find a few last minute items I requested he bring home with him and that required that he walk back into the grocery store in Moscow where we spent thirteen months.  He said it was kinda strange to be back in Moscow driving around and knowing that within 24 hours he will be heading out of a place that he called home for almost 3 years.

It all makes me melancholy and a bit sad but not necessarily an unhappy sad.  Just a sad emotion that I will feel for a few days and then when he walks through the doors and begins a new job a week later I will be feeling better.

By now he is probably almost to the Pennsylvania/Ohio border on his way to the Illinois/Iowa border for his first night.  His lofty goal to make it here in as few days as possible also leaves me a bit uneasy and nervous.  I'm praying that all goes well for him on the road.

In the meantime, we are anxiously awaiting this new chapter to begin in our lives.  A fresh page.  A sharpened pencil.  A new story.

Turning the page...

A Disdain For Shelves

...Not for all shelves, just mine that appeared in my garage during our thirteen month absence.

It isn't that I have anything against shelves, per se, but the placement of the shelves and the fact that they put up two "homemade" shelves that were placed side by side but don't match each other is what bugs the crap out of me. 

I knew I would be irritated with these shelves the minute I heard they existed and my feelings grew worse when I saw them.

Here's why:

1.  We have a three car garage.  Why for the love of God would our renters put these shelves on the two car side?  The third car area would have been perfect for shelves.

2.  I hate, hate, hate that when I open the garage to pull my car in the shelves and the colorful totes on the shelves are the first things I see. 

3.  It makes my garage seem cluttered, which I despise. 

4.  The shelves don't match each other.  One is deeper than the other, and shorter.  Stupid.

5.  It makes putting both our cars in the garage rather difficult.  Now, to be fair here it has only been my car in the garage for the past eleven months so that has not been an issue.  However, with Larry's return both of our cars will need to fit and those protruding shelves impede tremendously into available space!

I had told Larry that upon returning (not right away, I realize) those shelves are going to have to be moved.  I don't like them at all where they are.  I want them moved over to the third bay (which would then require moving my antique dressers that are smelly with mold, thank you northeast) soon.  Once moved we will have more, cleaner space in the two car garage section and you won't notice their uneven shapes on the other wall to a garage that rarely gets opened.

 The annoying shelves.
 Can you see how one doesn't match the other?
 The spot on the third bay where I want the shelves to go.  However, it would mean finding new homes for what is there.  Thank God my husband is coming home...